Chasing a check mark.

257.6

Well, I've been MIA for a little bit, but that was for good (?) reason.  I was out of town in Vegas for nearly a week.  Had  BLAST but came home early.  Turns out 6 days in Vegas is TOO long.  So we came back Friday instead of Sunday.  No biggie.  But I've been very bad on food/exercise, but I'm back now and ready to keep working.  Fortunately due to the excessive walking in Vegas, I didn't gain weight on our little vacation.  I didn't lose, but I didn't gain. That's something.

So today, I'm back tracking my food in sparkpeople and have decided to try (again) to complete the couch to five K program.  This is a bit of an ego hit.  A) that I have to try "again".  Yes, I have tried a few times this last year and only gotten as close as about week 3.  That sucks.  B) I ran a MARATHON in 2002.  Seriously, I can't run 5K?  But I can't.  I ran the marathon 10 years and 70 lbs ago.  That was a different time and now I have to deal with where I am.  I can not get back there without starting here.  (deep thought, I know...lol).

So, tonight I start (again..no.  START, no locking back) the couch to 5K app on my phone.  It's a nice little app, keeps track of the intervals for you and gives you a little "check mark" as a reward when you finish.  So, tonight I will earn my check mark.  :-)

REAL Progress

257.2 (good!)

So I'm surprised to see that number.  I did have a relatively good day yesterday but didn't think it'd be that good.  Just goes to show the scale is an odd bird.  Sometimes in your favor (though usually not!)  And by the way, I revised my last post.  I had indicated a weight of 249, which was a typo.  No, sadly, I didn't lose 10 lbs in two days.  I hope I can post that number for real in the coming months.  But for now, still in the 250s.

So tonight I'm going to see "Magic Mike" with some girl friends.  I'm so very excited.  It's silly, but I think it's going to be a good time.

Hopefully I'll not chow down on an entire bowl of popcorn.  Hopefully I'll make good choices today.  Hopefully I'll have the motivation to get on the treadmill when I get home tonight.

Here's hoping!

Cin

Progress? Not.

259.8 (257.6 yesterday)

Ok, so not a good number today.  Not a good choices day yesterday.  I was on the road all day and I make bad choices when I'm busy/stressed.  I also did not get on the treadmill last night.  I kinda felt like that was not so much a bad choice as a good one because I was a bit sore from my prior two nights and really don't want to injure myself in my out-of-shape state.  But it obviously didn't help the scale today.

And today, again I made bad choices.  How can I fall off the wagon so quickly?  Didn't I just recommit?  I honestly didn't even want to blog because I'd have to admit what I've done.  Which is so hard.  But at least I'm keeping this commitment.  At least I'm here and telling the (semi-anonymous) world. And that's something.  I am super tired and have not been getting enough sleep.  So even though I should go get on the treadmill, I'm going to give myself permission to go to bed.  And I'm going to do that.  Sleep.  And pray that tomorrow I will be stronger.  I know I can be stronger.  I will be stronger.

Sadly,

Cin

P.S.  And because blogs are always more interesting with pictures.  Here's a gratuitous picture of my cat.  :0)

Back-to-Back, Jack!

Here we go again!  A boring picture of my treadmill.  BUT evidence. As an attorney, I live and die by evidence.  I love proof.  Here.  Here is the proof that for two days in a row I got on that damn machine and exercised.

Not earth shattering.  Not enough to change the world or even my health.  But a start.  A good start.

And guess what?  I walked.  Just walked.  Didn't even try to run.  Didn't want to push it.  On encouragement from someone who inspires me greatly (jess!), I walked proudly.

I'll run again.  Just not today and not tomorrow.  But it will come.  When I'm stronger and lighter.  But I'll get stronger and lighter one day at a time.  On days like today.

Love going to bed feeling successful.  Please let me hold this feeling and make good choices tomorrow.

Night!

Cin

???.?

So I just realized, at 9:30 at night, that I didn't weigh in this morning.  Odd.  After hitting the treadmill yesterday, I normally would jump up to see what progress I made.  My life has gotten so busy/crazy with two kids that I truly just forget myself sometimes.  That's sometimes a good thing, and sometimes not.  Like today when I'm really curious what that damn scale said.  Oh well, there's tomorrow.

Today was pretty good though.  Baby steps.  I tracked all my food today on sparkpeople.  I didn't make the best choices, including McDonalds for breakfast.  But I did come in within my goal, in part due to a crazy day at work and missing lunch.  Not the best way to do it, but small victories.  I also made a conscious effort to drink water.  Something I've been very bad about lately.  I am a complete diet coke addict.  Like 5-8 a day, minimum.  Really bad.  I'm not ready to quit. Not yet.  But I'm ready to start balancing it with water.  More water.  The more water I drink the less diet coke I'll drink.  Progress.

So I came in at 1674 in calories today.  Actually pretty good if not so great choices.  So tomorrow is going to be crazy.  I have a to go 2 hours away for a training.  I don't know what we'll have for lunch.  And I have to get up REALLY early to get my girls to my moms house by 7:00 am.  Ugh.  6:00 am will come very early.

 And now I've put the babies down.  Or rather my hubby has, and I'm ready to get back on that treadmill.  I downloaded an entire season of Boardwalk Empire.  Something I tried to stream last night but kept getting errors.  Anyway, I've got a good show to watch on the treadmill.  No excuses.  I'm a little sore today from yesterday's walk, but not as bad as I feared.  And now I hit post and go downstairs to walk.  And walk and walk.

Ok, a very blah entry.  I will work on finding something interesting to discuss.  Right now.  I need to get this down.  Be accountable.  BE HERE.

Success.  I got on the treadmill.  I watched some shows on my ipad.  I started.  I didn't run but a few seconds, but I did 40 minutes, 2.08 miles, 315 calories.

It's a beginning.

Now to curb the eating simultaneously.

One step at a time, one day at a time, I suppose.

Hope tomorrow's a good day.  :-)

258.6

Hi.  I'm here for one reason.  I need to lose weight.  I need to lose weight badly.  I'm 34, and I have everything in my life I have ever wanted.  And I'm not happy.  Because I'm fat.  Uck.  I hate that word.  "Fat".  It has so many emotional connotations, so many societal stereotypes.  So much negativity.  But there it is.

So here's the data.  I'm 34.  I live in the south.  I'm an attorney.  I have my own firm with great partners, doing work I really like.  I am married to a great man and have two beautiful baby girls and one sweet step-son.  I have it all.  Nearly.  Except I'm 5'11" and weight 258.6 lbs.  Yes, fat.  fat.  Ugh that word.

My health background - I'm obviously tall so I've always been heavier than my friends, but didn't really start to be overweight till college when I put on lots of weight.  I got frustrated and in lawschool joined Weight Watchers for the first time.  I committed myself to it and lost 40 lbs, got to my goal weight of 167, and looked and felt great.  I ran a marathon the next year.  I was happy.  Then it started to come back.  Slowly at first.  I'd fight it, get back on the WW wagon, and then give up again.  Then came pregnancies.  I didn't gain as much as some women do, but I started out big and any gain was bad.  I actually lost weight in my second pregnancy (measured from the day I found out to the week after delivery).  But I've actually gained weight since the baby rather than lost.  How awesome is that.  So, baby came in January.  Now this is June and I have no more excuses.  I have a very busy life.  I have a wonderful life.  I have to get this piece in line.  There are no excuses that should work.

It's 9:00 pm.  My babies are in bed and I'm sitting on my ass writing this blog post.  So step one - get off my ass and go get on the treadmill.  A little about that - being a former marathoner, and a highly competative and proud person, it's hard for me to get on the treadmill these days.  It's hard to admit that I can no longer run even one mile without walking, let alone 26.2.  I can't even really run much at all without risking pain and injury to my overly weight down joints.  So here is my first step.  I give myself permission to walk.  Just walk.  If I feel like running a little bit, I will.  But I don't have to.  Maybe that will let me get into a habit of just getting on the damn thing.  Then I don't feel like I fail if I can't run much (at all?).  I hate to fail.

So here I go.  Putting the littlest one into her crib now and heading downstairs to the treadmill.

Will report back...